I have a story up at Good Housekeeping today about the early days of my pregnancy with Katie. Here are the opening lines:

It felt like grief… Those first few months of pregnancy weighed on me, heavy and oppressive, and I did not recognize them for what they were.

It felt like grief… The classic pregnancy symptoms — the nausea, the lack of appetite, the exhaustion, even the missed periods — were all things easily attributed to profound loss. For nine weeks, that was what I thought it was: my reaction to sorrow, my reaction to grief.

It felt like grief… My husband and I swung through El Pollo Loco’s drive-thru one evening after a day spent on the road. I ordered my favorite: a quesadilla with chicken and avocado. Unhealthy, creamy goodness sandwiched in a tortilla. I took one bite and could eat no more, the bile rising, my throat constricting, and I thought, So this is what it is to mourn, to lose a taste for life. This is what sorrow feels like.

Read the rest at Good Housekeeping.